Photo : Karolina Grabowska
There is an increasingly obvious social phenomenon in the 20 to 35 years age group -or even approaching 40 years: A profound questioning of what the notion of work represents. Until recently, students who finished their studies sought a high, prestigious position, offering a good salary, and climbed the ladder at all costs.
However, nowadays, salary and prestige are no longer what seems to matter. What is more sought after now is a job that gives meaning to life, that allows to feel good with oneself, to be happy and often, to help the community or society… The word 'helping' comes up often. And what we also hear is: “Too bad if the salary is not as fabulous as if I had taken that high position. At least I have time for myself, my family, my friends, my activities, my creativity... I don't give my whole life to Work. I finally feel alive. And that's huge.”
We are entering a new era, where helping others is important. And it can be helping at different levels: Helping others in the field of physical or mental well-being, in the traditional way as in the case of Vanessa, below; but it can also be as an artist, for example, through music, painting, sculpture, writing, floral art, pottery, etc. Or as a cook. Or again, as a waiter, craftsman or any other profession, as long as there is the intention to provide the best possible service. The approach to one’s profession is different now.
This was Vanessa’s case.
“Anxiety, panic attacks, burnout, depression… Go ahead, take your pick!” She said. “I’ve been a total mess for the past few weeks. And I just don’t seem to be able to get over it, to recover by myself.” Quite an abrupt introduction for that petite 27-year-old blonde who broke down in tears in front of me.
When I asked her gently if she knew the origin of the problem, she took the time to think, her eyes lowered, and her nose hidden in her handkerchief, she replied: "Actually, it's not going well at all at work. It took me a while to admit it, but I think I just cannot fit in, I really feel like I'm not wired like the rest of them. I have lasted 6 months, but I can't take it anymore.”
Again big sobs and handkerchief. Then she continued: “But more than anything else, I think I'm lost. I don't know if the corporate world suits me actually. A while ago, I was fine -more or less. But now…? I need so much energy to get up in the morning. I haven't even opened my eyes that I'm dreading the idea of going to work. There's a lump in my stomach, my throat is tight, my hands get sweaty... And I can’t even enjoy my weekends as I know that on Monday, everything will start again. I'm in a hellish loop. My thoughts are dark and negative and yet I know I shouldn't have those kinds of thoughts, because negativity breeds negativity, right? I know all that! But it's stronger than me, I hit rock bottom, and I can't take it anymore!” she concluded, breaking down in tears again.
Complete burnout, anxiety, panic attacks, depression… Vanessa seemed to have diagnosed herself quite accurately.
The moment a person mentions feeling stuck, usually in a hellish loop, or just the moment they start crying, whether it's big sobs like those of Vanessa, or silent tears like in others, EMDR* can calm the person's state of mind almost instantly. So that's what we started with, since anyway, in her own words, “she had hit rock bottom” and she was no longer able to see anything from where she was. After several cycles of EMDR, she calmed down, the tears stopped, her breathing changed, the lump in her stomach disappeared, her throat relaxed, the features of her face smoothed out and… A shy smile appeared on her lips. “I'm better,” she said surprised. “Yeah, I'm fine,” she checked within herself, when I asked her to scan her body, heart, and brain.
“I don't have that anxiety anymore when I think about work, it's gone now, it's not important.” She took a deep breath, threw her head back, then sighed. “Impressive. And I don't know what happened in my brain, but it was weird, it was like a whole colony of ants had invaded it,” she said, ruffling her short hair to get rid of those imaginary ants. I explained to her that it was a normal reaction to literally feel something happening inside one’s skull, or outside -it didn't really matter. It was actually a clue that her old negative neurological patterns had been erased, to make way for new, positive ones.
“Amazing,” she said. Her gaze had changed, there was now a note of hope, and even of determination. “So what now? What do we do next?”
I burst out laughing. I answered: “Now, if you had a magic wand, what would you do with your life? What would you do for work?”
“Oh. Do I absolutely have to work?" she said, apologising for yawning. I reassured her, explaining that that too - yawning - was another normal reaction of EMDR.
“No, not at all, you are right. You can do whatever you want… As long as it is realistic and achievable. Do not ask me to win 100 million at the lottery, we have already tried with other people.
“And…? And…?” she asked.
“And… I haven’t found the magic formula yet!!!”
“But you keep working on it, don't you? When you find it, you'll let me know, okay?” she added with a mischievous smile.
It was hard to imagine that I had in front of me the same person who had entered my office completely dejected, not even one hour prior.
“Ok, ok, I’m focusing,” she resumed… “So if I had a magic wand,” she said slowly, “first, I would travel around Australia, for as long as my working holiday visa would allow me to do so. I would stay here and there, I would work as a waitress or whatever, as long as I am happy. My background is in Finance, but who cares if it doesn’t make me happy? And clearly, I'm not happy. My parents know it, they worry, they want what’s best for me, but according to them, I should stay in my field, in what I studied for several years.”
So I played the devil's advocate, suggesting that maybe in a different company, things could be better...?
“Maybe,” she replied, lost in her thoughts. “But right now, I really feel like I have to leave that type of environment. I need to do something else, to see something else, to experience something else. I feel like I have to help, but I don't know how. Anyway, the aim of the game is to feel good, right? And at the moment, it is far from being the case; so I will look for a way to become happy. Not quite sure how, but since I've always wanted to tour Australia, I'll start with that. Maybe something will happen over the next few months, in the various places I will visit and the different people I will meet? If that happens, I'll tell you, I promise.”
Perfect. Once her goal was determined, we were able to implement it in her NLP** timeline. Then we reinforced it, as well as her new state of mind, with beautiful positive suggestions, in deep hypnosis.
She came back to do a few more sessions. In the meantime, she had resigned, and she had already determined, thanks to her Lonely Planet, where she was going.
Very quickly, she put her few possessions up for sale, and two months later she was gone! Like that! Light, optimistic and… happy, even if she had no idea what awaited her. She was ready to live her life, not endure it, she claimed.
From time to time, I would receive emails from her. She would briefly tell me about her hard work on the farms - a prerequisite to extend her visa. She did not hide that it was not always easy, but it was her decision, and she assumed it. Then came the epiphany! While she was in Darwin, she had befriended a nurse who had ‘passed on her virus to her, no pun intended’, she specified. She understood how she had to help! Therefore, she was going to go back to Uni to study nursing… It was a smart move, she added, which would allow her to get work wherever she wanted, since there was a high demand for nurses all over the world. She would do a job that made sense to her, she would help others, and she would continue to travel!
Her anxiety? Her burnout? Her panic attacks? Her depression? Disappeared… As if by magic.
* EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing
** NLP : Neuro-Linguistic Programming
NB: Inspired by real events, but for confidentiality reasons, the name and the circumstances have been modified.